Emmetsburg: Sixty-nine

John helped J.L. with the dishes. Only took a couple of minutes. Both men were quiet the whole time. John was lost to all that had happened, and all that was to come. The latter spun in his mind as a thousand different scenarios. Not enough, however, that he failed to note the smile painted on J.L.’s face.

J.L. was swimming in the moment. For those few minutes the loneliness and heartache that had been his constant companion since the passing of his wife retreated. It was a surprise of warm sunlight in a blizzard, or a drink of cool water in the desert. He granted himself the fantasy of a world much different than the one he lived. In that world his son had grown to a handsome man. It was he and not John standing beside him at that sink. And he believed it! He believed it all just as sure as he stood there. And he believed that any moment Bea would come in to lovingly admonish them for wasting the whole day inside. J.L.'s heart broke beautifully at the thought, and for just an instant he held a glimpse of how a body passes from this life, running through love and regrets like a child through tall grass. J.L. cleared his throat staving off a wave of emotion he would indulge later, and took the last plate from John.

“Didn't need to do that,” he told John, putting the plates up in the cupboard. John only nodded and patted him gently on the shoulder.

“Suppose I should be going. Much obliged for the food.”

J.L. nodded, wiping his hands clean on a rag. “Mind if I walk you out for a smoke? After all this time I still respect her rule about smoking in the house.”

Out in the yard both men found that the wind had turned. It came up strong across the fields, chasing away a mugginess that had amplified the morning sun. It smelled of rain and wet soil. Lightening flung itself at the freshly plowed fields. Took a few seconds for the adjoining thunder to shake the world with a low roar.

It isn’t fair to say that John felt like a condemned man. Better to say that he felt infinitesimally small. His steps weren't weighted and apprehensive, nor were his thoughts tortured. Better to say that they were insignificant, but then, with the simple-ness of a breath it was all lifted from him. He dug at a stone with the tip of his boot.

“Yep, best I get moving.”

“Where would that be exactly?” asked J.L.

He rubbed the man’s small shoulder. “We’ll see.”